waste pt.2
Monday, April 27, 2009
I finally have a MORE decent reason why i think this is a WASTE.
I actually don't give anymore, like I'm already loving life i don't need to ask for more.
I guess I was just a random girl you wanted to get to know and later on throw away.
Works fine with me , i won't be needing you sooner or later.
What the hell was that all about?
Trying to test me? boy I'm not that stupid and I do totally agree that GUYS PMS to.
They like switching their minds often, driving me nuts.
But i've been through WORST . and i mean it.
So don't think a little tease would bring out what I really feel.
You got to be tougher to be able to do make me reveal it.
I'll flop, i don't care too bad
Im the fucking best. too bad.
I guess if I'm wrong at least i'd have a reason for calling you a waste even for a little while.
I would do so much better actually.
I don't get hurt that easily anymore that I'd be emo for awhile.
I rub it off and throw it away, put a wall between you and I.
Sorry, that's how i am.
It was good to know you.
See you then.
waste
Thursday, April 23, 2009
WASTE?!
you call me a WASTE?!
did you even asked how i feel .. even once ?!
well clearly for sure you didn't cos you wouldn't be calling me waste if you did.
You're probably shallow and duumb
making lame assumptions about this.
WASTE?!
you call me WASTE?!
can't you see, i love talking to you.
and I dont know what I did to make you think that.
If you think I don't care then you're SO WRONG.
Maybe you just don't know me enough
or maybe you're not mature enough to understand what I FEEL.
So who are you calling a WASTE?
I would say you're waste .. but
It's just a waste of my time.
Clearly, I was nothing to you
and I thought you were atleast going to be a memory.
Just one of those guys who go after one girl and another.
Or, just one of those guys who just likes flirting with girls
Random Play.
Then why do i hear stufff from other people about you and me ?
and you obv know about it.
How come ?!
You started this mess.
And You ended it.
Right now, I fucking hate you,
fucking waste.
IS that a good enough reason ?
compared to your pathetic one.
FUCKER>
prologue to romeo and juliet
had to do for english class.
real version:
CHORUS: Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From Forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life,
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-marked love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage,
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend
My ugly version:
Two families, both in the same high status
In the setting of Verona where the story takes place
From an old war that passed suddenly returns
Where everybody's involved to kill everyone.
From the son and the daughter of the two enemies.
A pair of ill-destined lovers took their life away
Because of the challenges they had to go through
Their death buried the war between their parents.
The horror that their death and love gave to them,
And the unstoppable war between the families
Could only be stopped with their child's death.
During this two hours play
You will need to listen patiently
and the part you missed, we could retell and explain.
I wish I could hate you.
Monday, April 20, 2009
fuck, so why do I feel unhappy?
slowly drifting away
I think i got a thing for you
but you act like you're not interested
but i know u were.
why do i even care a lot ?
im so fucking confused
damn it you ruined my day
but you're still cute.
We'll see how everything goes.
You'll miss out on a lot once you get away from me
You waste my time
But your time with me wasn't a waste.
Cos I'm fucking worth it.
Do you feel me ?
Let's have a fling.
i KNOW there are a bunch of guys in line
and Now im so confused.
fuck being a fourteen years old girl.
BOYS ! ARGHHHHHHHHHh.
He's being gay like other guys at some point.. true that bhess <3.
& , if you wanna play the game well its on bitch cos I'm in for the kill.
Bby let's play the love game.
Bored.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
I was bored, and this was a thursday night so i decided to make some lame funny cover .. just for fun :)
don't hate , I just like this song and its the only song that doesn't make me sound really bad. :) LOL
Anyways, right now i am so fucking sore and tired from the dance, but I have to say it was some sickass live dance. i don't even know the names of half the guys i danced with,.. oopppsssss :$, but I'm not going too go into details about it LOL.
UGGGGGH, MY LEGSSS !
Oh yea,this guy was such a hella good dancer, and :$ god. turn on.
but, that's about it, some fun night it was ;)
you are my rock.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I never realized how cruel people could be until now.. based on a tv show. In a boy prespective and changed it a bit.
You wouldn't really call her hot or sexy.
She wasn't one of those popular girls who always gets their way.
But, she's special to me. I remember how her father would always say that Im her rock.
Would always cheer her up, this girl has been through a lot.. let me introduce her.
She's FAT, it runs in her family, it wasn't a problem just genetics.
Even after so many names she's been called and so many tortures she has been to... she was always strong.
Why? because of me. and now.... now... After what happened, I don't know if I could say the same thing.
A party was announced all over school the other day, said it was only for VIP.
When I found out that any guy could come but only a few girls were invited , i knew this was going to be trouble
And it was, She went up to me, the biggest smile on her face, she had that " I can't believe it" expression on her face.
" I GOT INVITED!"
I know I'm suppose to be happy, this is a start for her to gain some respect. She's been through a lot after her mother's death, i guess it's time for her to get loose.
But i couldn't just let her go there by herself, so I told her I would come.
the target of the bullies that she is and the biggest dork that i am going to a party?! well, of course we were both excited.
As we entered the door all I saw were guys, looking happy as ever and me joining in.
But Something is suspicious, all the dressed up girls seem to have something in common.. They were all overweight and obviously the main target of the school who are always the start of many jokes.
I didn't think it was a big deal though, i mean it could be just a coincidence.. Maybe the guys finally got their sense now.
Until things went bad.. First of, we were all just partying, nothing wrong.
But when the clock struck 12 everything changed.
The guys were called for a "meeting" without the girls. So i was forced to go in and leave HER alone.
One of the guys started to give out pig masks.. i was confused: " What the hell is this for?"
The other guys just snickered and said "It's all for fun baby, it's all for fun.."
Then they put on the pig masks , got some heavy liquor from the cabinet and said "Time for some REAL PARTY! "
FUCK! I quickly ran out grabbed her and told her " YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.. ALL OF YOU GIRLS HAVE TO LEAVE!"
She just gave me the weirdest look ever and laugh. " Oh , cmon this is my first time..."
"NO, THIS IS BAD, LEAVE.. ! " .. i grabbed her with me but instead she just took her hands off.
She hugged me and told me how much she loves me but she didn't want to leave.
Then all of them bursted in the room with their pig masks and some vodka in their hands.
She thought it was funny and laughed.. until they grabbed her, pulled her away from me.
I tried to grab her away from them so we could leave but they pushed me to the wall, wouldn't stop kicking me till she was out of sight.
What happened between them, I don't know.. but as I looked all over the house for the other girls, it was too late for them.
They were crying, their clothes were stripped, the smell of alcohol is strong, the make up they put on for this party was all over their faces, They look like a mess.
"it's too late.." I told them to leave.
And then I saw her face, aching.. and guys were destroying her, ripping her clothes off and drowning her with alcohol.
The people with the pig masks on yelled "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FATTY! "
She was crying, she was calling for me but I was not strong.. Then i smelled something.. smoke..
"FIREEEE! FIREEE!"
Everyone around her suddenly ran down the stairs, i could see the fire slowly going up, closer to where we both were.
I tired to grab her but HE pushed me, HE got the key, locked the room where SHE was in and
He pointed the key to me and said " You're not strong enough for her" .. he threw the key where the fire was and ran down the stairs to leave.
She was panicking and yelling, I was trying my hardest so I banged as hard as i could on the door to break it, but it didn't work.
I went to the other room and went out the window, climbed on the roof and set myself on the window of the room she was in
She looked devastated and coughing for air. The window was open but it was covered with metal poles line by line so that she wouldn't get out.
I wanted to touch her face and kiss those lips to show her how much i love her, but i couldn't
She could only let a little bit of air in from outside. She knew she was going to die.
And this was her last words..
" Take care of my dad, please now he has no body, dont worry about me. I just want you to take care of him for me, please if you love me.. please."
So I said: "YES, of course.. for you.. "
She was going down, she couldn't keep her body up, she was weak.
I grabbed her fingers, tried to pull her up and shake her and basically anything I could do to not let go off her.
I yelled for help and screamed but i felt her fingers slowly moving out of my hands and finally resting down on the floor.
It was over.
yeah, they arrested them and yes now they will learn their lesson in jail for 20 years.
But, nothing could change what had happened, It's still the same..
It's over.
But i made a promise
We told her father the bad news .. he just grabbed a picture of both of them together smiling,
I could see his hands shaking and his eyes watering.
No words could explain how it is to lose two loved ones, his wife and now his daughter.
But from now on.. I'm going to be there for him every time.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and grieved with him.
And I knew that she was watching, I know that she is happy now .
So I smiled.
Yeah, her dad always tells me how I am her rock but honestly... i disagree.
She was my rock.
and the scene ends here, in this house with her father, just us.
having no words to say to each other, just looking at the picture.
but for now... it is fine how it is..
And I hope you know that...
We Will Miss You
hello Brandy
Thursday, April 16, 2009
So, i have this new character i made up. her name is BRANDY, and this is how she feels..
PS. These thoughts are RANDOM , i was bored
is my hair alright? should i fix it.
ew my eyeliner is smudged! anyone wanna lend me one.
OH GOD. MY FAT LEGS!
Ew, catties and whores .
No promises, you broke my heart.
Leave me alone you dont fucking know me
Stop talking to me like you were the person that was always there for me when you're not.
Stop trying to fit in cause i wouldn't stop laughing
Stop being nosy because these walls you cannot break.
God, why do I have to write about someone DEAD?
You should put some clothes on buddy, you look like a whore.
I think i just lost my chance, i pray that I'm not too late.
You deserve what she has done to you, you don't deserve her.
I like how everything seemed like it was forgotten.
Like nothing even happened between us.
You changed me, and sorry but you can't bring me back to who I used to be.
Old me is dead and gone, try and dig it out and watch my new soul beat the shit out of you.
Music gives me a reason to live, it has been a part of me and was always with me through the thick and thin.
I don't want to turn like you, but it seems like I can't fight myself to go against that.
I told you the deepest secret i've ever had I can't believe i did that.
I'm stupid, someone go find me a brain.. and a heart as well
Cause Im heartLESS. every day it decreases though it hurts me it's better for both of us.
You think YOU'RE HURT ?! look at me! or are you blind?
Or just trying to block me out pretending you did not do shit to me, because you did.
Don't try to cover it up because this animal will make its way out and come right back in front of your face.
This is a disaster, my heart's beating faster like before.
Freeze me for god's sake, this body of mine is burning up for you, please try and save me.
Freeze me so that I will not love you like i did before, i'd rather not feel anything for you.
I'd rather just forget about you and I wish I hope I KNOW that you forgot about me to.
SO it's all even , we're fair now ?
But Somehow I want to be unfair for a change, do something that will change you
And turn you to a beast that will haunt me down and kill me, would you like that?
Because i'd rather get a feeling from you, even if it's the worst kind of feeling
Rather than having nothing from you, zero nada.
But That's not going to happen, I guess We're still immature .
I'll see you in a couple of years, but don't expect me to treat you like you were something special.
Cause honestly, you're not. I dont think you would want to be that special someone anyways.
So i guess, its even once again!?
Nothing's changed . I guess this is how we will be till the end.
I hope I'm wrong
prodigal son
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I thought about the parable of the prodigal son and I wrote down what the person might have thought in detail after looking back on what he has done.. more futuristic though and changed it to sound more like our time not biblical times.
We treat them like shit.
We only go up to them and honestly act like they are the best people in the world just for money
To get what?
Anything materialistic
Why?
Because you want to be "Cool"
That word is being overused, but think about it.
Is it cool to treat them like trash when they themselves were the ones who raised you?
Is it cool to disobey the only two people that would love you no matter what.
No, i don't think so.
they are a burden, but they're a light.
Guiding us through the path where we should be.
We can do anything to them, throw them away for awhile and maybe pick them up again when you feel like you need them.
We are users.
But do they complain?
even after all the things we've done?
No, because they have faith on us, they don't give up.
Because they know this child will turn out to be someone they would be proud of until the day they die.
But are we proud of them? do you say hi to them when you see them at the mall one day where you and your "friend" are "chilling".
And do we see their reaction after? those smiling faces disappearing, hurt.
But do they cause a huge tantrum like we do?
Do they talk so proudly of themselves saying all these words that were not thought off but only said due to anger.. like we do?
No, they forgive.
They're the living JESUS in our daily lives.
Their humbleness makes us think.
I thank GOD for them because I wouldn't be who i am right now.
I wouldn't even have the same type of life that I have right now.
It will take years for us to clearly understand what it's like to be a parent but It doesn't take years for us to know how many things they have to go through for us, it's starting to come to me and it shatters my heart. I'm not proud of what I have done but I cant turn back time, so all i have to do is be proud of having such wonderful parents and hopefully, I will continue thinking like this, for them.
Change is good?
eharmony: a friend is a miracle.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
just retelling a real life story; i just exaggerated it
first perspective.
he wanted to meet me
he said he would love to see me
this can't be real
Internet could be under construction and most likely doing something wrong
because me, I never hear this from anyone
Yeah, we've been e-mailing each other.
Yeah, we've sent each other pictures of ourselves
Although my picture would probably lower my chance of actually getting to know him better.
He even sent him a picture of his family.
And NOW, the question I doubt would come to his mind and have the urge to ask me..
The question I thought I wouldn't be able to answer because I was convinced it was never going to happen.
HAPPENED.
So, I replied back.
I would love to meet you.
That phrase took an eternity for me to write.
The mouse took forever to click that "send" button.
This was definitely a first.
We planned, it got cancelled
We planned again, it got cancelled
Maybe because he is a workaholic
Maybe because he goes everywhere and has no time for me
However I did not lose hope.
Finally, we met.
Ate Lunch, the normal adult dates .. if you call it one
But knowing that I am talking to someone I am interested in was not the reason why I loved that day.
It's knowing that we talked about almost everything.
From coffees, to work, to friend and to food.
It's like we were in our own world, the person next to us picking his nose won't cause us to jump into pits of laughter.
The couple arguing by the right side corner wouldn't interest us
Not even the waiter asking if we want anything else could break the inseparable bond.
It ended with a kiss on the cheek.
Pretty Good.
Few months later, we've been into some rocky roads.
We were too busy to e-mail each other.
Too caught up on other things to call each other.
But I know that the bond wouldn't change no matter how bad the tides are.
Then we couldn't communicate at all.
Not even a short e-mail or a voicemail to keep in touch.
Too busy. too busy. always too busy.
I would say the same thing to myself though.
I thought being 25 is perfect, i thought wrong.
Out of nowhere, just finished working
Checking my e-mail as usual, not even thinking if HE e-mailed something.
Just doing the normal routines.
While, i saw HIS name.
The name sounded new to me for an instant
But of course I still remember him, almost everything about him.
I clicked the e-mail, took a deep breath.
Well, he sounded like nothing happened at all.
That the miscommunication we had was not a big deal.
That the few months we have not talked to each other were only just a few days.
However, he sounded too happy, too excited to be able to meet up with me .. again.
I know THIS time I wouldn't expect a lot from HIM.
I'll just have fun, accept whatever he thinks of me and enjoy a rendez vous with a lost friend.
The day has come.
I would just smile and talk be as polite and ordinary and not get hooked by his bait.
However, it happened AGAIN.
We were once again reconnected.
It's like we did this over a thousand times, talking and laughing.
Even though this was only the Second time I have met him.
Now, he comes in straight and frank.
He had told me Eharmony was just made because he is forced.
Forced to be a husband and find a merry wife to be with.
While he is still focused on work.
Forced by his traditional parents to make a family of his own.
While he is still working with his passion, and still have not thought about sacrificing it.
I thought to myself, That's just like me.
Friends and Relatives forcing me, while I already have a great job and living a great single life.
In my 25th year of living, anything could happen and
I choose it to be like this.
It does not even make me sad knowing that i wouldn't have a relationship to maintain this year.
It makes me happy that he was truthful and that he made me learn something about how I'm going to live my life for now.
I am content.
Content because as we returned back to talking, adjusting the bond we already had from the start, I know this would be unbreakable. Not only did my future became more clear but I also made a new and everlasting friendship with HIM.
I KNOW he would be there in my wedding, my first child and many more exciting things to come.
but also during the downtime when the cruelty of the world seem to get heavier on me.
He would drive me around town, show me new things I have not seen.
First I thought he was a lover
Then A heart breaker
Suddenly turning to a player, in my point of view.
and NOW A FRIEND.
What I thought I needed turned out to be something better.
I HAD TO HAVE IT.
You know you will always be there, maybe not as a lover but as someone that had changed my life.
That ought to have a nickname.. let's see.
Well, you.... you're A MIRACLE.
us
Monday, April 13, 2009
was bored, i stalked people in facebook.
saw their pictures and i checked their "photos of me" & thats what made me write these shit.
so, its been years since we've been friends
I look back, and i remember telling myself how we would be like in 3 years
and now i have the outlook of it, what we've turned to ?
nothing but fake people just trying to fit in
what happened to "be different or unique"
or am i just wrong?
is this how you really are?
or are you going to change?
hold up..
are we too young to think like this?
maybe it's a phase, or maybe its permanent?
i'm not going to lie
but im scared.
if life is going to continue like this
would i be able to continue being positive?
theres no one behind my back.
i dont know who we are,
will i just have to be patient?
what will happen to US ?!
... only GOD knows.
sunny with a high of 75
Saturday, April 11, 2009
not a poem or whatever, just random thoughts. yadig?
because you made me feel stupid
because you made me go through another experience, once again
because now, i really couldn't care less
because you made me do some sick ass fun things when you left
because stress is no option now.
all the same, the pitiful dirty talks
the "oh she is so goddamn hot" comments
the halo things.
the "my dick is bigger and my balls are sexy" cocky words.
the rebounds.
the love games they play.
but.
the way they make you feel.
their dirty thoughts
honestly turning us on.
their asshole bad ass attitude
who wouldn't think that's hot ?!
but, we could do better.
we party .
we also, play the love game
we could also be tough ass chicks if we wanted to.
we could break your balls in an instant
and tear you down in pieces.
making us smirk.
honestly
we could, but we don't
because, we're not like you men.
we are chicks, and we do the right thing ; )
CAVES
Saturday, April 4, 2009
I think I'm using this for my English, we have to write a poem.. is it good enough ?
THE CAVE
I'm fighting against the wave
the sharpness of the rays of the sun
as I start my way on a dark and empty cave.
I would get soaked by rain
the sharpening winds scratching, opening up my skin
as I start my way on a dark and empty cave.
I'm sliding down the icy path
wobbling and tumbling, ready to fall down
as I start my way on a dark and empty cave.
I'm weakening on the spotlight
the curtains wouldn't close the eyes were always on me
as I travel through a dark and empty cave.
I'm trying on new things that will change myself just for display.
it wont be too long till the real me will fade out soon.
as I travel through a dark and empty cave.
I'm reaching, dirty hands willing to touch anything clean
the soul reaper needs to give back what it took
as I travel through a dark and empty cave.
I got what I wanted
now all I want is what I really needed.
I'm still walking through the dark and empty cave, the light I have with me is almost dying.
I would not give up, I brought myself back up but I'm still crying--
Will this journey ever stop?
I'm holding on, the clear icicles are now melting
the water cleansed the spots of dirt all over my body.
As I start an end to this nightmare.
The skies are clearing, I'm smiling
the droplets of pure water dances on one leaf and another.
As I start an end to this nightmare.
The flowers are blooming, the scent of it lingers
washes away the familiar scent that I'm tired of smelling-
As I make my way out of the dark and empty cave.
-gee
